i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
