Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
