you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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