I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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