I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize