I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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