Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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