I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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