my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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