HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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