Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
