69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
