2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize