I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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