My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
