I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
