So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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