I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
