she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
