it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
