All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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