dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
