i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
