I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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