She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We got so high we made milksteak
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
