The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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