We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
