i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
