tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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