on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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