im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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