She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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