well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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