Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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