I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
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This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
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You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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