I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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