He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Just fell off a train. Bad.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Even my vagina gasped.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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