What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
