Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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