i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
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Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
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My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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