New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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