my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
