I bet he comes in French.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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