the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
