I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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