my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
