I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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