i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
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My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
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I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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