I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
