break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize