I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
