I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
