i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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