She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
