if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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