im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
