My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
