I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
