can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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