Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
