omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
