I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
did i walk over a car last night?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
