i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
