Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
