it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
