i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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