I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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